Pete
worries, one Friday night when in Café Isabel, where he frequently sips coffee,
sees his girlfriend Anna with another guy. It occurs to him like a lightning
strikes in his thought, remembers the thousand excuses Anna makes. Anna as Pete
recalls often declines his offer to go out on Friday nights. It is an unmistakable
realization by now that Pete loses his mind amidst confusion, and begins to
wonder again. Pete now with conviction stands up,some Reggie Bob Marley singing
overture on the walls where the speaker hang… “Stand up… stand up… stand up for
your right!”
Everyone
becomes aware of the sudden intrusion of events. They look at Pete withdeep
piercing glances andforehead corrugated as though the freedom to become solitary
is fiercely taken from them. He standsprostate; arms folded in firm while
scanning each implacable faces inside Café Isabel and with a solid and deep
spit of the tongue voice, he utters again, dignified,
“Stand
up, stand up for your right!” he saidwhile his little beady black eyes are
directly looking at Annawho’s also staring at him for a long period of time. He
turns his back and walkshis away towards the door, still hearing the playing of
the beautifully melodicsong as he bolted the knob. He looks back once more,
making sure he will see Anna’s face at the little portion of window on the
door. He looks at her for some time without speaking and turn away, now
everything’s reveal to him.
When
he goes outside Café Isabel, the rain starts to bang on him. He feels every drop
as a bullet continually dismounting to fall in every parts of his body like a
canon blows its ball one after another. Tonight, his worries are concluded, the
dizziness he feels, it suffocates him, seeing Anna laughing at every jokes the
guy makes, seeing Anna with a clear face and bright eyes,he feels inadequate
and worthless. He doesn’t know what it is about her that completely enthralls
him and how he can easily forget Anna’s inaccuracy.
While
his feet bringing him to nowhere, he’s still on his mind of thinking that he
only drinks a couple of coffee before he left Café Isabel, then why does it
feel like he imbibes tons of beers tonight? The heaviness of his eyelids, the
sourness of his taste, and the listlessness of his legs as if he doesn’t eat meals
in a week. Why does he feel so weak, so desolate? He feels like he is a
stranger of himself, a stranger he can’t manage to reconstruct again. He
recalls few occasions he makes just to see Anna. He even makes a thousand of
apologies to his Boss in Photography Department just to meet his muse. He
recollects few excuses Anna makes when Pete is on the meeting place, waiting
for her then after an hour or two, she will phone him saying she doesn’t able
to meet Pete.It happens more occasionallythan those times they are supposed to
be together. Whenever it happens, he would automatically dislodge himself from
where he is and would walk to whichever place his feet would bring him. He
knows what it would be like to be lone walking across the street after few
hours of waiting. He would walk acouple of miles in the pavements hearing the
different loud screech of the buzzing cars due to the disarray motion of traffic
signs. He will walk endlessly until he’s unconsciously at the front door of his
house, feeble and tainted. Sometimes he would walk in to any pub he’ll see and
drink a couple of beers hoping he’ll forget Anna’s excuses.
Last
few months before it all comes down into devastation, Pete and Anna attend a
family gathering where they meet Immanuel, Anna’s childhood friend. It suddenly
occurs like a blow and in a sheer despair; Pete turns out to be non-existent. Pete
understands the thought that Anna and Immanuel are good friends since they’rekids
and they do not see each other’s faces for like a decade and half, so they often
meet whenever it is possible, but to declinePete’s offer to meet him at
Friday’s, the only day they have in a week because their schedule doesn’t meet,
he thinks it’s beyond unreasonable to reject his offers. Pete begins to worry. When
Anna and Immanuel begin to make more time together, Pete starts to have some
suspicious thinking. Whenever he meets Anna, she’s always looking forward on
meeting Immanuel, at some degree; Pete understands it since they haven’t been
together in the last ten years and halfof Anna’s life which he doesn’t want to
make it as a big deal in their relationship,so he gives way until it becomes a
month or two. He doesn’t make any call to Anna. He puts down any communication
they have. He doesn’t even allow himself to see Anna even if she insists to see
him. He avoids Anna until it becomes months. He gives his self a time to think
whether to continue the relationship they had or throw it like a shotgun. In
most cases, Pete doesn’t feel any effort from Anna; he’s always the one who
gives way, time and all. These are the reason why he’s half a mind to free Anna
because of how she acts in front of Pete is far way different when Immanuel
enters the scene. Pete notices the bloom of Anna’s eyes whenever she talks
about Immanuel. She becomes more active and elated to talk about the successful
journey of Immanuel as though Pete doesn’t make good sense in any way. Maybe…
maybe Anna is just confused in choosing Pete.
Tonight,
at the river banks where they usually sit together after a long walk and would
see the sundown with its entire gloomy and warm sky, Pete sits alone, wretched
and disconsolate. By looking straightly ahead at the completely vague
featureless sky, he tries to find power. He tries to find a calculation of his
strength but it feels more like a joke, it feels more like he’s been stabbed by
shame right out into his chest, remembering the amiable moments since they
confess the love they had.
As he
made vague assurances, Pete becomes more aware of his own miserable life,
thinking what it would be like to be a no one before Anna came in to his life. He
sits still, looking at his feet as it reflects upon water illuminated by the
dark grey sky, it becomes more vivid as the moon gives light on water.
“Gone
were the days when the burning was loud and clear. Gone were the days when
happiness was clearly seen. Now, I am lost, can’t make a headlong start, and
can’t make myself fall out of love.” he utters to himself full of grief and
agony while searching fora clear and valid answers.
With
a long sharp silence, Pete feels someone sits beside him as the distinct gusty
wind blows in the surface.Then it flashed upon him the veritable existence of
Anna straightly looking at his eyes as if she has an important story to tell,
but she couldn’t get the words out.
They
are both silent for some long minutes. Pete finally stands up and darts his
eyes to Anna. He looks at her for the last time without making speech, tracing
the face for long because this will be the most opportune moment to free her
and bid goodbye.
And
then… they never spoke again.
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